Did you ever tried all, changed yourself to the point you can not recognize who you are anymore?
Well, I did, luckily I realized. I changed my life for him, moved to another country, but I should have never forgotten myself and my dreams.
He was lovely and caring at the beginning, full of support. So I started loving him.
Soon I noticed his obsessive jealousy and aggressive behavior. I was looking always for a reason to justify his actions. As this is my first serious relationship I wanted it to work. I had boyfriends that hurt me, that did not want to commit. I did not want another failure. I hoped I will be happy, so I tried hard. I tried to convince myself that for a good relationship you need to work hard. True, but both sides should.
You can not change a person’s personality, sometimes he can change colors but core stays the same. I feel tired of explaining myself, of running here and there for him when all he does is making me upset. I can not hold to happy old days when he tried to bring me into his life. This is who he is. Those few happy days that come after fights are his way of controlling me and keep me with him,
He is always asking for understanding but he has none. He is putting assets in front of people. Obsessed with money and career. Here is a recent example. He went to the capital to see his brother and take him to the airport and he promised he will come the next day to take me to the doctor, as I have an ear infection. I called him, no answer, then suddenly he called back to tell me that he needs to buy carpets for his bussines property. Had no money with me, had no people around as I live in a room that is quite isolated and far from town. I told him how I feel and that all those things could wait. But then he started telling me how I do not think about him, how I am not asking if he is tired to drive if he is ok, he wanted to put blame on me. He thought he can justify himself and make me feel like the mistake was mine. How frustrating this is and happened many times. IT IS CLEAR, HE IS PURE MANIPULATOR
I have no words anymore, no strength to fight with him. That kind of behavior is sickness, you can not make a person receive a message that they do not want to hear. I realized that I am only wasting my energy. He is an example of people we call toxic.
So I am moving away, I will go back home. Have no much money, have to search for a new job and thousands of uncertainties in front of me. But all those things will not stop me, because I am not scared to be hungry, to search for a new job, I have the strength to fight for a better future. I am scared of losing myself and allowing people to have control over me and hurt me. I might have a difficult time once I change my life again.
Changes are not easy, but nothing good comes easy in life. In order to have peace of mind and get back my life, change is necessary.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, answer these questions honestly and bring a decision.
Are you truly happy? Is your relationship stopping you from development and achieving your goals? Can you be yourself in the relationship? What your life would be if every day is like today?
Hope this will help you.